As I Want

Through words left unsaid to her dead mother, Samaher Alqadi explores the chains of her childhood and shows the power of woman in a revolutionary struggle against the odds.

Cairo, January 25, 2013: An explosion of sexual assault takes place on Tahrir Square on the day of the second anniversary of the revolution. In response, a massive outpouring of enraged women fill the streets and Palestinian director Samaher Alqadi joins them – bringing her camera as protection in the battle and to document the protests of a growing Women’s Rebellion, not knowing where the story will lead her.

Samaher becomes pregnant during filming and this prompts her to consider her childhood in Palestine and what it means to be a woman and a mother. She begins an imaginary conversation with her own mother, who dies before she can see her one last time. Samaher begins to form the words left unsaid and tells us her deepest secrets in an intimate inner dialog that guides us through the narrative. She goes on a traumatic visit back to her parent’s house in Ramallah, where she confronts and recreates dark memories of a childhood she managed to escape. Meanwhile, the struggle in Egypt continues and, even after the birth of her son, Samaher still finds herself on the frontline.